[Written: October 15th]

It's my birthday.

I can't tell you everything that went through my mind today.

So many things.
So many emotions.

I thought about how hard I am on myself.  Every day.  For many reasons.

I kept having flashbacks.  I went through mixed emotions of feeling sad and happy.
& I realized that I'd changed - I can't put it into words yet, I'm afraid.

I thought about goodness.  One thought I had was that I had been good to people - throughout.  With all the ups & downs, I've lead life the best I know how.  I could probably have done more for 'me' - but I've been a good daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend.
I felt proud of myself - because people are what had mattered, and I had been a good person to other people; no matter what life/people dished out my way.

People.  People are what matter.

Authentic life?  Yes I've lived it.  Authenticity matters too.

Authenticity.  Integrity.  Self-respect.  Goodness.
Those are what matter.

I'm eager to be surrounded by emptiness this weekend; to think about..

..what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

This was a huge surprise for me @ work.  To my embarrassment,
two departments sang for me lol  Everyone was so sweet & overly hyper
about the occasion =)

It's been many, many years since I've had a cake for my birthday;
though I always prefer chocolate...this was an exception! 
It was delicious =D

[It doesn't seem very crucial to me
to get it all right.
I will follow my heart more,
prioritize myself more &
go for what I want -
right then & there.]